Kingdom of God – Forgiveness

11/12 mins to read

Having considered Faith last time out, now I want to consider Forgiveness. These are two pretty big topics and I felt unable to choose just one of them!

Whether or not we can forgive is one of the biggest challenges we will face in life. It is likely that the longer we live, the more people we have to forgive! It might be a parent or family friend who abused you; a spouse who cheated on you; a business partner who ‘shafted’ you; a colleague or friend who betrayed you; a boss who overlooked you for promotion; someone who never repaid their debt to you; adult children who rarely get in touch. The list is long! You feel the pain and the injustice of it acutely.

Forgiveness or derivative words (eg forgive) are mentioned around 140 times in the Bible. So, it’s pretty important to God.

Let’s be clear what we mean when we talk of ‘forgiveness’. It means “stopping being angry or resentful; excusing someone for a mistake; cancelling an obligation such as a debt.” Someone else defined forgiveness as ‘giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.’ 

“Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive”

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I want to look here at three things – God’s forgiveness of you, your forgiveness of you and your forgiveness of others.

Has God forgiven you?

One of the central themes of Christianity is that God our Father forgives. What is a Christian? Someone who has been forgiven by God after putting their faith and trust in Jesus Christ, who was punished in your place for your wrongdoing.

We are all sinners (wrongdoers). ‘For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard’ (Romans 3.23, NLT). God leaves us in no doubt that we deserve to be punished: ‘the wages of sin is death (separation from Him)’ (Romans 6.23). BUT we do not get what we deserve! Instead of administering law and punishment, God administers grace and mercy. “…the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus’ (Romans 6.23). Life with Him; reconciliation, peace!

As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison

Nelson Mandela

“…anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God who brought us back to Himself through Christ. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them…For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:17-21, NLT).

The self-substitution of God – Jesus (God in human form) died in our place, paying the penalty for our sin! The divine exchange – Jesus died for our wrongdoing and we got His righteousness in return! Amazing!

This is the Christian good news: forgiveness and reconciliation instead of condemnation and separation. Your slate is wiped clean. All made possible by Jesus’ death and resurrection. Who doesn’t want that?! If you haven’t yet received God’s forgiveness and reconciliation, you can right now. It’s as simple as ABC. 

• Admit…you’ve sinned, you’ve done wrong stuff, that separates you from God and be willing to say sorry for those things.
• Believe…that Christ died on the cross for you, to pay the penalty for your sin/ wrongdoing, so that you can instead receive His mercy & forgiveness.
• Commit…your life to God and welcome Him to come and live in you by His Spirit. His Spirit helps you live a Godly life, overcoming things where previously you struggled.

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(2015) AF felt like she cried for the whole Alpha weekend! But they were good tears. She said that she felt forgiven and free. She also felt overwhelmingly loved by God.

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If you have never welcomed God into your life and experienced His forgiveness, use the prayer below to do so…

Lord Jesus Christ, thank you that you died on the cross for me and rose again from the grave to everlasting life, conquering sin and death for once and for all. Thank you that you offer me forgiveness of all wrongdoing. I am sorry for the things I have done wrong in my life (take a few moments to ask his forgiveness for anything particular that is on your conscience). I now turn from everything that I know is wrong. Please forgive me and help me to know in my heart that you have truly forgiven me.

Thank you that you offer me the gift of your Spirit. I now receive that gift as a deposit, guaranteeing eternal life. Please come into my life by your Holy Spirit to be with me forever. Thank you Lord Jesus. Amen.

If God forgives us, we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.

C S Lewis

Have you forgiven you?

If God has forgiven you (which He has), it’s time for you to forgive you! 

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In 2015 during the Holy Spirit session on an Alpha weekend away, R asked the Holy Spirit to help him forgive himself for a crime he committed several years ago and for which he had served time in prison. He finally felt able to forgive himself. He was also able to forgive his abusive father and had a fresh resolve to find him again, not having seen him for many years. These are huge steps! He said he felt lighter, and happier than he has ever been. In the church family, he also said that he felt at home for the first time in his life (over 40 years).

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Have you forgiven you, or are you living under a cloud of guilt and shame? “I could never forgive myself”. With God’s help, you can. “But I don’t deserve forgiveness”. None of us do! But forgiveness is freely available to all who come to God through Jesus. You have hope and a future.

God really wants to help you forgive yourself. Really. Today. This is not merely theory. This is not an academic exercise. You may have started reading this blog feeling shame and condemnation; you could finish it feeling forgiven, and with your head held high.

Have you forgiven others?

In the Lord’s prayer, the prayer that Jesus taught His followers, it says “Forgive us our sins as we have forgiven those who sin against us.” The forgiveness clause is the only part of the prayer that Jesus elaborates on at the end! He says, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6.12-15).

Jesus also put it this way: ‘When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins’ (Mark 11:25). The stark truth is that, if you refuse to forgive others, God won’t forgive you.

Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies

St. Augustine of Hippo

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, if my brother keeps on sinning against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Seven times?” “No, not seven times” Jesus answered, “but seventy times seven” (Matthew 18.21,22). Was Jesus saying to forgive 490 times and, on the 491^st time, give it to ‘em with both barrels?! No. He was saying ‘Always forgive’.

Jesus went on to say more about forgiveness, telling the story of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18.23-35. Do read it here if you have time…

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+18%3A21-35&version=NIV

A few questions for you:

1. What got your attention in the story?
2. If you are familiar with this Bible story, was there anything you hadn’t noticed before?
3. What did the King withdraw?
4. How would you describe the central message of the parable?

Here are some key principles about forgiveness…

• The main victim of your unforgiveness is you! How so?
• Unforgiveness embitters you and acts like poison; it robs you of peace. “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you…” (Hebrews 12:15). How does it trouble you? Anger, hurt, resentment, bitterness will trouble you. Forgiveness helps restore you.
• ‘If I forgive them, I’m letting them off the hook.’ No, you’re letting yourself off the hook! You’re setting yourself free from pain and resentment, and positioning yourself to walk in God’s blessing. Leave the offence and the offender with God; He’s the only one who understands what they did and why they did it.
• Unforgiveness can damage your health! A headline in a national newspaper read, “Harbouring feelings of bitterness ‘increases the likelihood of physical disease‘”. It went on to say, “Researchers who have examined the relationship between failure, bitterness and quality of life found that blaming others can lead to physical disease. ‘Persistent bitterness may result in global feelings of anger and hostility that, when strong enough, could affect a person’s physical health,’ says Carsten Wrosch, a professor in Montreal’s Concordia University Department of Psychology and a member of the Centre for Research in Human Development.”

‘…my father said he knew his physical healing was directly dependent on his ability to forgive John Hinckley. By showing me that forgiveness is the key to everything, including physical health and healing, he gave me an example of Christ-like thinking.’

President Ronald Reagan’s daughter Patti Davis after John Hinckley’s assassination attempt

• Your forgiveness of others is letting go of your hatred and resentment and releasing the debt, declaring that they owe you nothing (not an apology, an explanation, restoration of goods, nothing)!
• Forgiveness is a choice you make and an act of your will. Pray that your feelings catch up with your calculated decision to forgive.
• Forgiveness doesn’t make what happened to you right; it means you’ve made a decision not to let it control your life.
• If the other person refuses to acknowledge what happened or that it was wrong, forgive them anyway. Forgiveness doesn’t depend on the other person; it depends on you. Remember Jesus on the cross said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing”.
• When you forgive someone, it won’t necessarily bring reconciliation between you and them. Forgiveness only requires one person – you! Reconciliation requires two people – and reconciliation may not be appropriate for you anyway if you would simply be putting yourself back in harm’s way.
• When you forgive someone, you have no power to pardon their wrongdoing. They might still be convicted of a crime and be punished for it. But you can still forgive.

“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart”

Corrie ten Boom

Choose to Forgive. You have a decision to make – get even or get over it! Turn to hate or let it heal. Resent it or release it. Resentment allows whatever’s eating you, to eat you up. It stokes the fire, fans the flames, and replays the pain. Let me ask you: if today you stood by the grave of the one who hurt you, would you be free? Probably not. Is it time to forgive them? Give them something they don’t deserve – someone did that for you at Calvary. 

Grace to Forgive. It is hard! Perhaps it is longstanding hurt. We need God’s help. He does not give us His Spirit to keep our anger and hatred to an acceptable level. He wants us to forgive and love even the most undeserving of people. He gives us grace through His Spirit to help free us of anger and hatred all together. 

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(2017) “There has been one area in my life that I have found so very hard to deal with. How can I forgive someone who has been the cause of the death of our precious son aged 22 years? RM was the dangerous car driver who drove on the wrong side of the road that fateful day in Winter 2014 crashing into my son while he was taking his early morning cycle ride for fitness and pleasure. I had not been able to forgive; I had numbness, indifference, coldness and all sorts of emotions about this man but certainly no forgiveness towards him for taking away our most precious, beautiful and much loved child. The loss and grief and pain has been with me every day and is something that I can never “get over”.

Last Saturday at the church’s Freedom day, I was able to forgive this man, with God’s help (I have tears in my eyes as I write this as it is the hardest forgiveness I have ever done and I didn’t think I would be able to do it). I know this is just the start; maybe sharing this is a confirmation of Gods graciousness; God can forgive even the greatest of sinners and can make us “White as snow”.

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Sowing/Reaping Principle

“A man reaps what he sows” (Galatians 6:7). “Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6.37). We saw that last principle illustrated in the parable of the unmerciful servant!

Is forgiveness easy? No, it isn’t. Yet God says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words and slander…Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31,32).

‘To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.’

C S Lewis

Someone once said, “Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate.  It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness”.

I recommend the episode from the Alpha film series ‘Why did Jesus die’. The whole episode is good, but the issue of forgiveness is specifically addressed from 23 mins…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIHqYqIjKVw&t=1502s

Prayer…

Father, thank you for your forgiveness. I was undeserving, but in your mercy you forgave me anyway. As you forgave me, now I choose to forgive [name]… I release them from the debt (from owing me anything). Please let my feelings catch up with my Will. Free me from bitterness and unforgiveness. Heal my hurt and my heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Recommended book

Total Forgiveness – R T Kendall (published by Hodder & Stoughton). Paperback, £7-8